My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
