I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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