last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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