Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
