boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
