The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
