Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
