I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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