I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
