Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
