Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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