Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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