I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Im part way to drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
