If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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