There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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