All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
