So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Girls should come with a carfax report
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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