Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
