I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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