I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i drank out of a bidet.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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