went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
