I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
