Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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