I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
