everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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