Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
