Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
