I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
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She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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