she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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