??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
