sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
