Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
