just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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