i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
