Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
