$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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