she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
