My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize