I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
