Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
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