rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
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There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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