so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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