First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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