She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
