Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
