she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.