im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....