Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one