I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This is the high leading the old right now
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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