Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken

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(805): saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken http://tfl.nu/k7ra

Replies (20) Good night (745) Bad night (3556)
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(773): View more from Illinois

the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu

(773): View more from Illinois

which is why it's clearly superior

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(773): the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu (773): which is why it's clearly superior http://tfl.nu/iahv

Replies (26) Good night (3000) Bad night (701)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.

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(865): Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all. http://tfl.nu/2gc2

Replies (10) Good night (802) Bad night (3214)
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(360): View more from Washington

I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...

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(360): I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds... http://tfl.nu/1y93

Replies (16) Good night (1470) Bad night (6243)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.

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(910): I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight. http://tfl.nu/7vg9

Replies (14) Good night (5493) Bad night (1029)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.

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(814): Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge. http://tfl.nu/cbd5

Replies (2) Good night (835) Bad night (1756)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon

(1-262): View more from Wisconsin

That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months

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(262): Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon (1-262): That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months http://tfl.nu/99ql

Replies (1) Good night (1707) Bad night (613)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?

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(615): She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable? http://tfl.nu/4ysm

Replies (7) Good night (760) Bad night (1263)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.

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(203): I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday. http://tfl.nu/b5pa

Replies (3) Good night (613) Bad night (1680)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.

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(605): Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me. http://tfl.nu/wtwx

Replies (8) Good night (1383) Bad night (652)
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(479): View more from Arkansas

Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.

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(479): Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question. http://tfl.nu/6lny

Replies (6) Good night (959) Bad night (491)
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(334): View more from Alabama

FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon

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(334): FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon http://tfl.nu/se3x

Replies (9) Good night (2323) Bad night (575)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.

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(304): Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint. http://tfl.nu/67cs

Replies (2) Good night (841) Bad night (397)
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(618): View more from Illinois

Holy sore nipples Batman

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(618): Holy sore nipples Batman http://tfl.nu/v9db

Replies (1) Good night (407) Bad night (248)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.

(201): View more from New Jersey

That is a dream.

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(201): I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks. (201): That is a dream. http://tfl.nu/at19

Replies (0) Good night (352) Bad night (168)

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