You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
