if i can run in heels then i can drive
someone get that fucking seahorse.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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