I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
