I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
