I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
