Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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