you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
