shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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