Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
