The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
