seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
