Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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