the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The ass gains better be worth it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
