you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize