I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
