At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
