im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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