Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
