there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
